you think i want all this screw ups to happen? i know it makes u upset but hello its MY future. dun u think i shld be even more upset than you? i know lah ok. you are very smart and good at all these kind of things but maybe the reason y im not is cos you never did teach me. maybe i havent grown up cos you haven let me grow up. i really hate having to ask you for help because i know that when i do then all the scolding will come out about how i never learn how to do stuff myself and i take you for granted and blah blah. its not as if i didnt try myself beforehand ok. and when i do manage to do things myself then you just ignore it. its so frustrating to always feel like im going to be your little child for the rest of my life. of course i am grateful that you have always helped me and that you ave taught me lots of stuff and i really admire you for knowing seemingly everything but its really hard to live in your shadow.

its like i think about it and my father has the street smarts and my mother has the PR skills and i dont have either. i know... i am amusing and funny and cute whatever. but when it comes to real life what skills do i have? i only know how to be a kid. in fact i am so good at it that i think i will never learn to grow up. its not as if i dont want to but maybe im too scared to. also, i dont really need to, dont i. my parents always do everything for me anyway. and when i try i just screw up. i know ok that they are disappointed in me because i am so stupid in the ways of the world and i am careless and stuff but scolding me is not going to make me want to learn more. everytime i do something by myself its never good enough. you ask me why my university application seems more important to you than to me and maybe the answer is because it is you who is doing all the stuff anyway without even asking me to. it is you who wants me to apply for australia, not me. do you understand? how am i supposed to do anything when you have already done it? i really am grateful, really i am. i know you care for me and have my interests at heart but i really feel SUFFOCATED.

i'll always be my fathers daughter, never myself.